As I was cleaning out my email this past weekend I came across this and thought it would be fun to share with you all. I do not know the original author, as before the days of social media we forwarded emails as a way of sharing information with each other. For fun, I shared some of my thoughts in the parentheses.
Rules for living in Jacksonville.
You must learn to say the city name correctly. It is referred to as "Jax".
You are either a Gator or a Nole. There are no other schools.
Forget the traffic rules you learned. No one pays attention to them here. Merging, yielding, and right-of-way are completely foreign terms.
To find anything in Jax it is required that you know where the Regency Mall is. It is the Alpha and the Omega; the beginning and the end. (Told you this was old!)
Directions to anywhere may, and usually do, make a reference to, "the old Pic and Save". (Oh gosh, I can only remember the one on San Jose where the Bally's Total Fitness is now.)
The morning rush hour is from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. The evening rush hour is from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd, but they both run North and South.
Normandy Boulevard, State Road 228, Cecil Field Road, Maxville Road, and Post Street are all the same road.
Hartley Road, Shad Road, and Hood Road are all the same road. Hartley Road is the western part of the road and Shad Road is the eastern part of the road. Now don't be confused about this Hood Road. This is the West-East part that is in between Hartley and Shad, not the North-South part that starts out as Old Kings Road South, changes into Hood Road South, and ends at Losco Road.
Construction is a permanent fixture in Jax. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving more exciting.
Watch for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, single shoes, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
The minimum acceptable speed on JTB is 75 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Jacksonville's version of NASCAR. (Hmmm.)
Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
There are only two seasons: Summer and January.
Don't get here late and expect something to eat. After 9 p.m., your choices are Famous Amos and Village Inn. (This isn't true anymore. We have a ton of great dining options here now in all the neighborhoods.)
If you like southern-style barbecue, there's a restaurant on every corner.